I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
