her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
