he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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