Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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