winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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