I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
