i would punch a child for taco bell
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
