were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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