I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
