bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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