you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
MIDGETS
????
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
