Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
