i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
