i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
