I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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