you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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