You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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