When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
