Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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