Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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