News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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