what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
