when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
