You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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