wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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