wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
