dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
