great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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