Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
