We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
