This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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