Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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