I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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