I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
