drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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