mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
