My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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