That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
