Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
