:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
