Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
