CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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