Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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