I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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