ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
