Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
