Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
