just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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