i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
