you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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