i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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