sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
