Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
