I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
