Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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