Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
