john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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