Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
