she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize