New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
