If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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