so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think people are normalizing furries
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
